Started a new relationship. Don't know why for this time i din have 100% confidence in relationship. I think is get too much hurt. I really very hate sam tet. Don't know why I didn't do anything, they still want to talk something behind me. Say bad things. I really feel very angry. But I can't do anything. That's the fact. This time exam I gonna kill myself. I can't imagine how bad are the results. I have read. but when doing the paper, I forget the formula. Haiz. Recently always headache. Club stuff always disturb me although i'm having exam. I can't imagine next year how bad is my club. I scare I can't even get a merit award during the forum. Really fell dissapointed to my members. No one of them can help me. I'm very tired.

Today is 19/9/09, Saturday. Already 2 months. But I still can't 100% forget him. Sometime I will ask myself. Am I stupid? My friend asked me. Why he treat me so bad, I didn't hate him. I answered I don't know. Sick for 4 days already. Really suffer. No energy to chat with anyone.

Daphia(created by Vivian)?Daniel + Sophia = Daphia?? Tuesday I went to Bio tuition. I realised that Daphia is a animal. Quite funny. Maybe this is the reason that we can't find. This few day I very hardworking. Always finish homework so fast. Now his effect for me is less than 50% already. Is it a good news for me? My friend asked me that will he regret that he bought a handphone that same with mine. I answered I don't know.

Last Saturday attended Sam Tet's function. I din even talk with him. I scare he will hurt me again. During lunch time my friend told me that he went to chase girl. Then I said I can sure he won't come near to our table. It's true. Someone advised me don't do anything. Just let time to change everything. I think I can do it. After that went to parade. When walk with ah fan, kenny and zheng hoong, suddenly saw him in front of me. It's quite far. I asked kenny bring me walk to another way. What Chea said is true. I need to stay far away from him. Then only I won't get hurt. I feel sorry. That I can't face Chea. When he say Goodbye to me, I din bother him. Next month is my birthday. I din even hope I will get any present from my friends. I just hope won't happen any sad thing on that day.

I heard that HE has been changed. Changed to another person. Is it true? Should I believe the person that told me those thing? I really don't know. The person hurt me too. I really don't understand. I take him as best friend. How can he do this to me? It's not fair for me. But I know this world seldom have anything is fair. I don't know what can I do. Anyone can tell me?

Today go out play badminton with friends. This is the time for me to relax and stop think of him. But when I rest, suddenly I think of him. I tell myself stop. Don't think of him again. This is the time for me to relax. Finally, I did it. Now very tired oh. Stay at Vivian's home. Don't what time can go home. Waiting for mum to fetch.

Last two night, I have a dream. Inside the dream, we restart our relationship. I feel very happy. But that is just a dream. When I open my eyes, everything gone. Then continue my life. Don't know why recently always feel very tired. Sleep early but wake up very late also. Don't know what to do.

Don't know why today always think of him. I think back the moment after my IR day. He said at night he need to attend a gathering. So, cannot leave at batu gajah to accompany me. That time I didn't feel angry but disappointed. That I really very tired. I hope he stay to accompany me ans lend his shoulder to me. But he keep saying he cannot stay. After he leave, over an hour I din receive any message and call from him. I feel angry. Finally, he used ah fan's phone to call me. I feel don't want to talk with him. 1st time, 2nd time, 3rd time, finally I picked up the phone. But he canceled the call. After that my phone stop ringing. After 3 hours, I sent sorry to him. But he din reply me. I think it, if return to him, after his function, I want to go home, don't want to accompany him, how will he feel? I remember 1 day, he went to jusco, he always say I don't go to accompany him as that day I got my tuition. That's how he treat me??

Today's mood quite down. I watch back my IR day's video cd. After the fashion show, called some of representative of respective clubs to walk too. I walked with him. That is the last time we walk together. Then everything change already. I open back the pass recording and listen. I heard many gossip about us. Many are point on me. That I really feel very suffer. But I didn't give up our relationship. I think of it. I think the reason he want to go away is because of his club. He want to concentrate on his club. Or maybe he got a new target. I don't know. Already 1 month he left. I still will think of him. No 1 can replace him in my heart. I hope I really can pick him and throw out from my heart. Recently, infront of everyone I just like very happy. But I'm not. I just act. Because I don't want let them worry about me.

Finally finish my august test already. This few days during exam I still will think of him. It's really need time for me to do it. But I will try my best. Today during exam suddenly think of chea. Really confuse. Don't know weather I should continue believe him or not. Recently many sad things happen. My leo advisor, Lion Thomas has pass away. Quite sad. He treat us quite good. Monday went to see him for the last chance. Then, 2nd, I heard something bad of me came out from his mouth. It's really hurt me and make me very dissapointed. But ah khoo advised me. So I must be strong.

I know recently got many people gossip about ah fan and me. Gossip that we go dating. I really don't know why this world will have this type of people. Don't know anything, then gossip about others. Better get a slap from god. ah fan, chea and tay loong. This 3 guys I take them as my best friends. But now only ah fan take me as best friend. The whole month luckily still got ah fan accompany me. If not, I also don't know where I go already. Chea? told me we are friend?should I believe?I really don't know! Infont of me he really totally look like different! I hate like this!Feel want to slap him!same to that COW!!Ah Khoo advised me too. Thanks for believe me ah khoo. I heard something that very hurt me. But luckily ah khoo advised me. Now I have concentrate on my own things. Don't want busybody to think things already.

Today sit for my august test. Can't read anything. My mind can't receive anything. This morning I think of him again. I think back last time. My last exam everyday also got him accompany me. But now...Before this, we study together until late at night. Usually I study at morning, but I changed my lifestyle, study and accompany him until late at night. But now I need to study alone. Last night feel very miss him. But I cannot find him. Now I really jealous my god sister, puimun, she got a good bf. I always will ask myself if i got a bf like this, then how good am I?But I know I wont be the lucky 1. This few go to parade will think back our last time. Because the whole parade is full of our memory. We like to walk the whole parade until so tired.I'm very regret why last time I so like to angry him. But for me, I angry him is because I care him, I love him. But he don't even know. I heard many gossip about him from peoples. I don't know now should I continue to believe him?Until now I still don't know what should I do for my couple-T. Usually this is his birthday present. My suprise for him. It's useless and meaningless now.Don't know what can do.

19/7/09, Sunday, I break with him. That time I was sitting alone in a bus going to tuition. I cried in the bus. This is the first time I cry in a bus. In the beginning, I think break will be the best solution for us. But I realize I can't live without him. I don't hope our relationship just gone like this. But he had made the decision. He don't even give me a chance. I'm very sad. Although almost 1 month already, but everyday I still very miss him. Every moment I will think of him. I try to stop think of him. I try to concentrate in my study. But wherever I go, the books that I read, the lesson that I was listening, everything also got his name. When I saw his name, I think of him again. Everyday I feel want to find him. But I know he won't reply me. I think he already have new target. He said he always take me as best friend. But I don't think so. The feel that he gave me just like I'm his enemy. I ask myself to stop think of him. I try to find many things to do. I want to forget him!!But I can't do it. I feel sorry to my friends. I always let them worry about me. Now he always do and say something like playing me. He want to say something that means Ah Fan like me. But, I sure Ah Fan is still like Vivian. And we're best friend. Won't happen anything.